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the answers to our prayers. Chief Phil Crazy Bull met with me that
day at the site of my Hochaka. He prayed with me that I might
find clarity and trust. I asked him about our confusion and about
whether we should pull the feeding tube the next time it needed to
be replaced. His answer was to ask him that question at the end of
92 ___________________________Carol A. Freeman
my Hanbleca. After he left that day, I sat there for a period of time
thinking about what he had said about clarity and trust. It was true.
I didn t trust myself with the information I was receiving, thinking
I was just making it all up in my mind. I wasn t even trusting that I
could do this four-day Hanbleca. As far as clarity, nothing was clear
to me at all. I was totally confused by Sharon s situation. That first
day I started to think about how I could maintain my spirituality
while living in a very materialistic world. The thoughts that came
to me that I would find it in the silence. I could go hiking in the
trails around where we lived, I could visit the Coast of Oregon
more often, where I found peace in the silence, visit the Japanese
Gardens in Portland, or just take long walks observing nature. I
continued to pray that day for the trust I needed so desperately.
Late in the afternoon, I laid down on my sleeping bag, and out of
my peripheral vision, I thought I saw Ron and felt his presence by
my side. I turned and of course he was not there. The same thing
happened with a friend of mine by the name of Maggie. She also
was on Hanbleca but not by my side. I felt strongly that they both
must have been thinking of me. I later found out they were that
day both concerned and praying that I would be able to do the
Hanbleca and that the pain in my hip would go away.
That evening I tried to go to sleep but found that the mosquitoes
had quite another idea. They kept buzzing around my head, and
after what seemed like a few hours of their annoyance, I put on
my fleece hat that covered my ears and head and found the sound
bearable. That evening, the moon was full, and I rolled over onto
my right side to sleep. I saw a vision of five Native Americans in
ceremonial dress on a hill nearby just looking over me. I felt a
sense of calm and peace and felt I would be protected and went to
sleep.
Friday morning I awoke to the birds chirping and the sun
As The Eagle Cries___________________________ 93
coming up over the horizon. It was chilly in the morning, cloudy
and cold. I put on two jackets and that kept me warm. When the
sun came through the clouds later that morning it got warmer,
and I took off one jacket. I wrote in my journal that morning and
watched the birds, insects, and leaves on the trees. I felt totally
connected to each and every one of them. I watched two black
beetles that had come into my Hochaka. It was interesting to watch
how different each one was. One was very hesitant and would run
away at the slightest movement. The other was more determined,
would climb over rocks, and not be disturbed by anything that you
might put in its way. At one point the beetle flipped over, struggled
to get up, and did. It was a struggle for it to climb the tiny sand
hills and move things out of its way, but eventually it got over and
around whatever was in its way. The thoughts came to me as I
watched the beetle that  Life is a struggle for most of us, the key is
to just keep moving, and we will get through it. Nothing in nature
stops for very long, everything keeps moving. I watched a small
centipede as it moved ever so slowly over rocks. It fell over twice
and eventually got up and moved ahead over the leaves. There are
wonderful lessons to be learned from just observing nature and
realizing that we are all connected and can learn from each other.
Friday afternoon I thought more about clarity. I needed the clarity
to know what to do about Sharon s feeding tube, was she happy,
and was she okay? There were a lot of issues that needed clarity in
my life.
In the afternoon, I observed the insects as they passed through
my Hochaka. An ant and a beetle passed by each other and kept
going. The message came to me of acceptance. Here were two very
different insects passing each other going their own way next to
each other accepting that they were different but each going about
their business in life. I also saw a vision on a rock of Sharon with [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]