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The women had backed away, leaving a wide aisle. On his throne, Fred
Mertz was jumping up and down and screaming "Kill them!" over and
over. One of the biggest ET-things drew back a long metal bar that looked
like a javelin and got ready to heave it. I'm sure he could've impaled both
of us with the thing.
I gave him the biggest finger I could muster.
The javelin turned red-hot, but the mutant didn't notice, because he
already looked like a lump of Cajun-cooked catfish.
Atoris stopped his ranting, and the room fell silent. He stared at me; I
stared back. And in that moment each of us knew the same thing about
the other, that we'd both come here from the same place off the mhuva
lun gallee. Obviously the bastard had ridden in on the fat-tired "bicycle"
I'd seen before.
"How long?" he said malevolently.
"How long what!" I replied.
"How long have you been here?"
"A few days."
"I came about twenty years ago."
"Who gives a shit?"
He went on like he hadn't heard me: "I was a criminal on my own
world; made a nice living at it, too. But the authorities finally caught up,
so I escaped to the Ultimate Bike Path."
(He obviously used his own words for the Path, which the UT5
translated, but I'll tell you, it twinged in my neck like crazy. I'd have to tell
the Old Guy to fix it.)
"I wound up on Murlug," he continued, "and soon discovered the
immense powers that off-worlders have here. So I turned those powers
toward evil, which is much more fun, and if I say so myself, I'm set up
quite nicely."
"You lowlife dirtbag, screwing with all these people," I said angrily.
"They have lives, they don't want to be stuck doing nothing but humping
an old piece of shit like you!"
Fred Mertz was really getting pissed off. "You dare talk to me like
that?" he shrieked. "I can crush you in an instant! You're too new, and
your powers are nothing compared to mine!"
Yeah, why was I talking to him like that? He still had the Bukko, and I
didn't have a death wish. But I kept it up.
"If you tried to hit on one of these women without controlling their
minds, they'd either laugh their heads off or throw up. Boy, they probably
hate being gummed!"
Now he totally lost it. Screaming curses that almost short-circuited the
UT5, he began flailing both arms over his head. Bolts of lightning from his
fingers shot up to the ceiling and ripped out huge chunks, which rained to
the floor. You'd think this would've stopped him, but he was out of control
and couldn't do a thing about it.
"Get the women out!" I told Kimbal.
If this guy was going to get buried, I wanted the Bukko back before it
happened. While Kimbal, helped by Chatana, guided the frightened
women to the door, I ran to the dais. The mutants were no challenge,
because they wanted out also. Hell, they were ugly, but they weren't
stupid.
Bolts continued to fly from Fred Mertz's hands (I swear, you'd think he
was doing the Monkey) as I leaped up on the dais. The look he gave me
was as much fear as malevolence. Dodging a five-pound chunk of the
ceiling, I grabbed the Bukko and pulled it over his head.
"Wait! We can be partners!" he shrieked. "I'm not proud! I'll grovel, I'll
beg!"
"You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger would say to that?" I asked
him.
"Huh? What?"
"Fokk you, asshull!"
I ran from the dais with a wary eye on the ceiling. Kimbal had been less
benevolent than me regarding the fate of the mutant ETs. Along with
Chatana and a few other women, all of them well-armed, he had carved up
the servants of the evil one. Stepping between the bodies, I joined the kid
at the door.
"Hey, help me!" Fred Mertz cried as the chunks came down around
him.
I looked at Kimbal and shrugged. "Hate to see a guy suffer," I said, and
threw two fickle fingers at the ceiling.
Atoris the Evil, master of Murlug, autocrat of Areelkrokka, doyen of
Dohnwana, was crushed to death.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Thank You, Old Guy
So, what do you think happened after that? Just what you might expect
when you've done away with something so evil. Sunshine broke through
the smog of Areelkrokka, and the Aqapod River looked like the place
where Sparkletts got their water, and the humungous reptiles were gone,
and all the mutated ETs began dropping like flies, and birds sang, and all
that good stuff. As for me, the Bukko was back around my neck, and I
must've been kissed by every woman in Dohnwana, so you think I was
happy?
Naaaah.
We had one problem: You see, in keeping with the theme of evilness
and vileness, Atoris had built Dohnwana in the middle of a mucky swamp.
Now, without his powers, it was sinking into the mire. It would take a
while; I mean, it wasn't dropping like a stone. But as this foul-smelling
mud began oozing up through the cracks, we knew it was time to go. We
searched the place, making sure every woman there (women really were
all he had) was led to safety.
Later, everyone was gathered at the river; it looked like a big communal
baptism. Dohnwana was now halfway under and sinking more rapidly. No
great loss, that wretched building; it would never have made the cover of
Architectural Digest. A fitting tomb for Atoris the Evil, I would say.
There were a couple of things on my mind. First, it occurred to me that
since the time I'd laid eyes upon Kamamakama a few days ago, this trip to
Murlug had been one continuing episode of deja vu. Change the names
and the faces, and I knew this story pretty well. I wasn't sure I'd ever be [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]