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abnormality or delusion. The state of exalted and extended consciousness, permeated with an
inexpressible, supermundane happiness which I experienced on the first appearance of the
serpent fire in me, was an internal phenomenon, subjective in nature, indicating an expansion
of the field of awareness, or the cognitive self, formless, invisible, and infinitely subtle, the
observer in the body, always beyond scrutiny, impossible to delineate or depict. From a unit
of consciousness, dominated by the ego, to which I was habituated from childhood, I
expanded all at once into a glowing conscious circle, growing larger and larger, until a
maximum was reached, the 'I' remaining as it was, but instead of a confining unit, now itself
encompassed by a shining conscious globe of vast dimensions. For want of a better simile, I
should say that from a tiny glow the awareness in me became a large radiating pool of light,
the 'I' immersed in it yet fully cognizant of the radiantly blissful volume of consciousness all
around, both near and far. Speaking more precisely, there was ego consciousness as well as a
vastly extended field of awareness, existing side by side, both distinct yet one.
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This remarkable phenomenon, indelibly imprinted upon my memory, as vivid when recalled
today as at the time of occurrence, was never repeated in all its original splendour until long
after. During the following agonizing weeks and months there was absolutely no resemblance
between my initial experience and the subsequent extremely disquieting mental condition,
beyond the fact that I was painfully aware that an expansion had somehow taken place in the
original area of my consciousness subject frequently to partial contractions.
At the time of my coming to Jammu I had gained my equilibrium of mind and soon after was
restored fully to myself, with all my individual traits and peculiarities. But the unmistakable
alteration in my cognitive faculty, which I had noticed for some time and of which I was
constantly reminded when contemplating an external object or an internal mental image,
underwent no modification except that with the passage of time the luminous circle in my
head grew larger and larger by imperceptible degrees, with a corresponding increase in the
area of consciousness. It was certain that I was now looking at the universe with a perceptibly
enlarged mental surface and that, in consequence, the world image which I perceived was
reflected by a larger surface than that provided by my mind during all the years from my
childhood to the time of the ecstatic vision. The area of my peripheral consciousness had
undeniably increased, for I could not be mistaken about a fact continually in front of me
during waking hours.
The phenomenon was so strange and so out of the ordinary that I felt convinced that it would
be useless on my part to look for a parallel case, even if the weird transformation was because
of the action of an awakened Kundalini and not a unique abnormality affecting me only.
Realising also the futility of revealing this entirely out-of-the-common and unheard-of
development to others, I kept my secret strictly to myself, saying nothing of it even to those
most intimately connected with me. As my physical and mental condition gave me no cause
for uneasiness in any respect, except for this inexplicable peculiarity, I gradually ceased to
trouble myself about it.
As already mentioned in an earlier chapter, in the initial stages of my experience it appeared
as if I were viewing the world through a mental haze, or to be more clear, as if a thin layer of
extremely fine dust hung between me and the objects perceived. It was not an optical defect,
as my eyesight was as sharp as ever and the haze seemed to envelop not the sensual but the
perceptive organ. The dust was on the conscious mirror which reflected the image of the
objects. It seemed as if the objects seen were being viewed through a whitish medium, which
made them look as if an extremely fine and uniform coat of chalk dust were laid on them
without in the least blurring the outline or the normal colour peculiar to each. The coat hung
between me and the sky, the branches and leaves of trees, the green grass, the houses, the
paved streets, the dress and faces of men, lending to all a chalky appearance, precisely as if
the conscious -centre in me, which interpreted sensory impressions, were now operating
through a white medium, needing further refinement and cleaning to make it perfectly
transparent.
As in the case of enlargement of the visual image, I was entirely at a loss to assign a [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]