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"Baby, I couldn't do that." Orpheus struggled to his feet, slipping on bits of
shattered swan, and staggered back toward his wives. "I was too upset to think
straight, and then I ran into the Scythian women and they tore me to pieces
and for a long time all I had to my name was my head. I mean, that was totally
bogus. And then "
Eurydike thrust out her hand, palm foremost. "Spare me. Which is more than I'm
going to do for you."
Her fingers curled into claws. There was an ugly glint in her eye. Maenads
tear their living victims to shreds while under the influence of the grape,
and Scythians were known to operate under the influence of hemp, but
Eurydike's murderous rage was more terrifying, being the product of ice-cold
sobriety.
Female empowerment is not a pretty thing. Not for the men involved, at any
rate.
Lest any think that Orpheus stood ready to accept the dire punishment that
Eurydike was about to deal him, I must correct that misapprehension. Apollo's
son was already preparing his defense. I heard him begin to hum under his
breath, preparatory to bursting into omnipotent song, though for the life of
me I
could not identify the composition.
"Heaven help us, I can name that tune!" Beddoes voice constricted with terror.
"'It's The End of the
World As We Know It.' If he's going to die, he's going to take us with him!"
"Coward," Eurydike snarled. "Apocalypse is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
You forget that I'm not afraid to die. Been there, done that." She took
another step forward. A fine dew of nervous perspiration spangled Orpheus'
brow, a look of desperation lit his eyes, and he opened his mouth to sing.
"
Stop!
Stop in the name of the Law!" Langley's shout broke Orpheus' concentration and
interrupted
Eurydike's relentless approach. The bold young man threw himself between the
two of them with a fine disregard for his own safety. A slip of paper, blazing
white as Zeus' own thunderbolt, flashed under
Eurydike's nose.
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"Madam, my card," he said. "Why settle for wreaking mere physical mayhem on
this churlish Party of the
Second Part when I can see to it that his sufferings last for decades?"
"Huh?" said Eurydike.
Langley gave her his most jury-swaying smile. "My dear nymph, I assure you:
Disembowelment is a walk in the park next to a good old-fashioned lawsuit." He
linked arms with her and led her away, to the plaudits of the crowd.
* * *
The case never did make it to court. That was a mercy, considering how poor
Dawkins was on the verge of death by humiliation at the thought of his bride
being a material witness in so scandalous a legal proceeding. In fact, he was
actually smiling and very much at his ease when next we two met one another at
the Club some three months later.
"Good heavens, Pinch," I exclaimed upon seeing him. "You are looking
remarkably content."
"And why shouldn't I be?" he countered. "Married life agrees with us."
"I am heartily glad to hear that you and Renée have managed to overcome the
recent unpleasantness at your wedding and forge on undaunted," I said.
"Yes, she's a fine little woman, Renée. Oh, sometimes she gets a fit of the
sulks, but whenever that happens we can always count on Eurydike to jolly her
out of it."
"What?" I said.
He continued as though I had not spoken. "Of course Eurydike's problem's her
temper no surprise given what she went through, abandonment issues, et cetera,
et cetera
. Every so often she'll give
Orpheus one of those looks that says 'If you leave your wet towels on the
bathroom floor one more time, I'm going to rip your arm off and beat you over
the head with it,' but then I pop the two of them into the
Beemer and drive them to their Anger Management session and it all works out."
"Eurydike?" I repeated. "Orpheus? But But You can not possibly mean to say
that they are living under the same roof with you and Renée!"
"Why not?" Pinch replied. "We're married."
And so they were. So young Langley informed me, at any rate. Although under
normal circumstances death is the finale for most marriages, the return to
life by three of the parties involved legally negated any such termination.
(There was a precedent for it somewhere in Southern California. There would
be.) I
attempted to argue the point with him, but he showed me his briefs and left me
speechless. That was that:
They were married. All of them. To each other.
"Really, Pinch, how can you accept all this so calmly?" I pressed. "Surely
Orpheus claims conjugal rights with the ladies?"
"Certainly. They're his wives, too."
"This does not bother you?"
"I admit, it does, particularly when the girls make certain . . . comparisons.
But hey, whenever Orpheus goes on the road, I get them both all to myself, so [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]